It’s OK
Putting the kids to bed is always an ordeal. We started out doing it wrong, and now don’t have the energy to change it. Instead of letting Buzz fall asleep on his own, I lie there with him until his eyes are closed. Some nights, this time spent in bed next to my son is relaxing. Other nights, it’s thoroughly aggravating. The yin and the yang. Kind of like the rest of parenting.
The other night, all I wanted to do was watch the conclusion of a television show, but as so often happens, it fell right at Buzz’s bedtime. I could tell that he was going to be excessively difficult that night, and I would miss every last second of what I wanted to watch.
I was right. He tossed and turned every which way for an hour, while I sat quietly next to him in the dark. I was frustrated and impatient. Apparently, so was Buzz. He began to whimper and pout, a pitiful enraged cry mere seconds away. Maybe he couldn’t get comfortable. Maybe he wasn’t ready for bed. Maybe he was fighting it with all he had. Maybe he could sense my mood shifting negative.
Even though I was frustrated. Even though I was upset. I leaned over and kissed the small curve of his shoulder. “It’s OK.”, I whispered in his ear. “It’s OK.”
I took a deep breath and exhaled away every bit of paltry frustration. “It’s OK.”
“It’s OK. It’s OK. It’s OK…”, Buzz repeated to himself in a sequentially softer tone. A short time later, he finally closed his eyes and fell asleep.
Maybe sometimes, we all just need a little reminder.
I'm Crystal. A 30-something mom to 3 young kids living in the Midwest USA. When I'm not chasing my children, I'm a freelance writer and web designer. I like to tell stories from our days and share what we enjoy...
12 Responses
on March 09 2010
It’s so true. I think I need to chant that to myself today.
.-= Angella´s latest blog post: Blue Monday =-.
on March 09 2010
Awww.. I just love your writing!! It is always so insightful and you always hit the point spot on.
Gene started rocking Z to sleep when she was a baby and he did it for the first 9 months of her life.. I finally nixed his plan and told him no more of that crap! She would wake up in the middle of the night and I would have to spend an hour rocking her back to sleep because she wouldn’t fall asleep on her own. She is soooo much better now and we don’t have to do that near as much.
I know exactly how you feel when you feel about being frustrated. I felt that way so many times in the middle of the night when she just wouldn’t go back to sleep and I was so tired. I guess it’s some kind of internal motherly greater power that allows us to be frustrated but remain calm and reassure our babes.
Honestly, I never knew I could keep my composure so well in times of intense frustration like that. Motherhood does CRAZY things to you!
.-= Candace´s latest blog post: My Little Peanut =-.
on March 9th, 2010
@Candace, When Buzz was a baby, for close to the first year of his life, the only way we could get him to sleep was to stand up and rock him. Back and forth and side to side. It was an exhausting dance we had. So even though bedtime may still be an ordeal, at least it’s not that bad.
on March 09 2010
You didn’t start off doing anything “wrong” with how you put your son to bed. You did and continue to do what he needs, even when it is in conflict with your personal needs or wants. That is giving and loving and doing what your little one needs. Good for you. Years from now that show won’t matter, but I am somehow sure you will remember nights of reassuring your son as he fell alseep in the security of your words. However, as one who too loves a little TV at night I am really thinking DVR…
on March 9th, 2010
@mamacomedy, You’re right, “wrong” wasn’t the best choice of words. Just against what seems to be the easiest way of doing it.
You’re also right about the DVR. We’re behind the times here without one.
on March 09 2010
This rings so true. Sometimes I feel as though I say things to calm myself down as much as the kiddos: deep breath; it’s OK; let’s try again.
.-= Stacia´s latest blog post: Time Traveling =-.
on March 09 2010
Our precious babies! I would encourage you to read to Buzz when you lay down with him each night. You may want to start a few minutes earlier to allow time. As he gets older, and especially if there is something pressing that you need to take care of, you can tell him to “read” his book (look at pictures) until you come back. Be sure to go back! This sets him up for a successful bedtime routine for going to bed on his own as he grows, and maybe even a love for reading! Children can listen at levels a bit higher than they can read
.-= Donna Jo ´s latest blog post: Give Your Kids Some Credit =-.
on March 09 2010
Oh we did that with Adam too…and it took ages to change and he STILL at 7 hates going to bed alone and we are such suckers that he ends up in our bed or hubs laying with him…
C is better..she has always gone to bed on her own.. mostly.
And then there is this one..
I think it is all in how they are made more than how we ‘screw’ up!
on March 10th, 2010
@Crunchy, My 6 year old still prefers to go to sleep next to someone, too. That job goes to my husband, though. I think he’d actually be fine going to sleep on his own, he’s just so used to someone being there.
I agree with your last line completely.
on March 09 2010
I have so been there. Thanks for the reminder that we can make things better for them just by reminding ourselves to calm down.
on March 11 2010
We’re living that life right now. For the first year of his life, Shane would only fall asleep when nursing. And even now he needs to be rocked to sleep. There are nights when bedtime just isn’t going smoothly at all and I start to get so frusterated with him, and with myself, and you’re right, they’re absolutely aware when your mood starts to sour.
At three am this morning we wound up together in the recliner and I was just chanting over and over “It’s alright, Mama’s here, it’s alright…” I’m not sure, but I may have been trying to comfort myself as much as it was for him!
I keep trying to remind myself that this is really such a quick blip in time in both my life and his…
.-= Crystal @ Semi-Crunchy Mama´s latest blog post: Mei Tai Memories =-.
on March 11th, 2010
@Crystal @ Semi-Crunchy Mama, Abby still nurses to sleep. So, I have Buzz who has to fall asleep next to me, then I have to put Abby to sleep. It’s a long ordeal. Like you, though, I keep trying to remind myself that it gets better, eventually. Who needs sleep anyway, right?