The Pursuit of Happiness
May 12 2010 I am participating in Momalom‘s Five for Ten. Today’s topic is about Happiness.
As a little kid, there seemed like so much I couldn’t do. I’d watch in awe as my brother, who is 6 years older, went on teenage adventures that I wasn’t a part of. When you’re young you can’t help but believe those older share a secret that makes them happier.
Then I got to high school and was miserable. I was quiet, too afraid of what everyone else thought yet trying too hard to be different. I spent the majority of my days blending into a desk, willing the clock to tick faster. I couldn’t wait to graduate. To get out. Happiness has to be waiting somewhere else.
Mere months after graduating high school I met J. A few months later, we moved in together. Away. We didn’t have much at the time. It was a small apartment with creaky wood floors. There were respites of happiness, but it was exhausted by a dead-end job that I abhorred. And so began a search for a better career to make me happy.
Eventually I was awarded my own desk, where I twiddled my thumbs for hours on end. It wasn’t the best job, but it was good. I liked having someplace to go, a reason to dress up. Yet it was so quiet when I came home at the end of the day, even with J in an adjacent room. I needed whatever was missing to make me happy.
And along came my son, my first born. Eventually, my world shifted focus to bottles and diapers. When Abby and Buzz arrived, my days turned from quiet and steady to hectic and onerous. It’s not easy. Having children in and of itself did not make me happy.
But there are flashes. Like lightening cutting through the night sky. When my 4 year old, who is speech delayed, tries to sing along with a song or says “Mommy, I love you”. When my daughter cusps my face in her hands and squeals “Hi!” or peek-a-boos around a corner. The ridiculous stories my oldest shares and how he’s always trying to make me laugh. In finding them, I found true moments of happiness.
32 Responses
on May 12 2010
I think this is everyone’s story to a point and I love seeing that just the word “Hi!” has the ability to melt our hearts! : ) Thanks for this Momalom post!
.-= Sara Carbaugh´s latest blog post: Vampire Hunting =-.
on May 12 2010
Yes, it is those little moments of children’s love that light up our lives and fill the void! Just look around you, there is love everywhere and that is the beginning of happiness. Nice heartfelt post.
on May 12 2010
So precious! You are such a great Momma!
Best,
Tina
on May 12 2010
Oh, yes! It is the little moments with kids…
.-= Sue Campbell´s latest blog post: Five for Ten: Courage =-.
on May 12 2010
I agree some of the best “happy” moments in my life are because of my kids.
on May 12 2010
Yes, happiness comes in many forms. I can also relate to the joys of hearing a speech-delayed child speak. Bliss!
on May 12 2010
Happiness can be so elusive sometimes. I’m glad you have flashes of pure happiness.
.-= Marilyn´s latest blog post: Pretending it’s Summer:Wednesday of Few Words =-.
on May 12 2010
I like this thought that having children does not bring happiness. Really, if we were thinking correctly, we would NOT want children because it brings so many unhappy things–sleepless nights, more things to buy, etc etc. BUT (and this is a big one) that isn’t why we have children. We have children because we feel an emptiness. It doesn’t necessarily go away instantly after having a baby, yet we begin to grow together. We see the small moments of happiness and begin to capture them. Pretty soon, we have a full bouquet. It is a lovely thing, really, something that I too often forget.
Beautiful post.
.-= Amber´s latest blog post: That Was Love =-.
on May 12 2010
I sometimes allow myself to ask: Would I have been happier without them? If I could do it differently, would I have chosen to remain child free?
Dissecting those questions makes me feel guilty, but then the flashes rush in and I realize that I wouldn’t have been happier. I would’ve been happy in a different way, but this reality has its own merits.
Once we recognize and accept the flashes, it’s much easier to remember and spot our happy. Right?
on May 12 2010
Ditto Kelly (above); I could have written the exact same thing. It is in those little flashes.
on May 12 2010
That’s what I love so much about being a mom–no matter how dark your inner self is feeling, those kids are so happy to see you, to be with you. They lift us up.
.-= TheKitchenWitch´s latest blog post: Veg-Head Monday: Zucchini Stuffed Tomatoes =-.
on May 12 2010
I love what you say here: that finding your partner in life, having a good job, and having children did not automatically make you happy. Because they don’t, and that’s such a hard misconception. Thank you for the reminder!
.-= Amy @ Never-True Tales´s latest blog post: Happiness Defined =-.
on May 12 2010
So true. Waiting for happiness to come. I achieved/met/found X; why isn’t it here? Oh, right, I must awaken it with me.
on May 12 2010
There are glimpses of happiness everywhere. But with children, I think the happiness they present is pure, without agenda. That is why I they are as you say the true moments of happiness.
on May 12 2010
I agree. There is a place in our hearts that only our children can touch. So sweet. I find the greatest happiness in life comes from my relationships. I could have all the money in the world, all the vacations, but without the right people to spend time with, what’s the point : )
That’s why kids are so special. They make staying at home glorious–even when we’re dealing with a lot of poo.
on May 12 2010
Yup. It’s all about the little things. Our kids might drive us crazy sometimes, but the happy moments make it all so worth it!
.-= ShannonL´s latest blog post: Five for Ten: C’mon, get happy! =-.
on May 12 2010
I think one reason that the relationship we have with our children is so precious and provides such deep-seated “happiness” is the pure and true connection that we have to them. There is little doubt about the love we have for our children, and they for us, and what doubt there is, is squelched by the unabashed adoration they show us on a daily basis.
Until they get older…and then I’m afraid that it gets a little muddier :p
.-= Jenn M´s latest blog post: A Moment =-.
on May 12 2010
Thank goodness for those moments… and the fact that kids are cute
.-= Corinne´s latest blog post: {Five for Ten} Courage =-.
on May 12 2010
As moms I think we can all relate. Our lives, they feel like a series of flashes don’t they. Some happy, some not so happy. But it’s like a giant spinning wheel of emotions. And those ridiculous stories, they are just starting in our house. But oh how I adore them!
.-= Christine LaRocque´s latest blog post: Happiness From Trying Again =-.
on May 12 2010
I feel like so often we’re “waiting” for happiness. Waiting for something that we think should be waiting for us in the future. It’s hard to find the happiness in the here and now, but I believe it’s there. In one form or another, the happiness is there. We may just have to change our definition of happiness is a bit to suit us. We can’t expect too much or it may not show up the way we want it. I’m glad you’re finding your flashes of smiles through your kids. They absolutely pick me up on my lowest of low days (or maybe they are the reason I’m so low in the first place!)
Lovely post.
.-= becca´s latest blog post: This Mom thing =-.
on May 12 2010
Happy and wonderful things indeed!
on May 12 2010
It’s a powerful thing to recognize that making a choice (to take a desk job, to have children, etc.) doesn’t necessarily make you happy. It’s looking at those choices in a new light or recognizing those “flashes of lightning” that really offer perspective, like tiny peek-a-boos and whispered “I love yous.”
on May 13 2010
Just tonight I was putting my 20 month old to bed. He was letting me read about two pages of a book before he’d snatch it away and throw it on the floor exclaiming no!
But then, as I started yet another book about Thomas, he leaned back, his head under my chin and listened. I could burst at those moments. My children though they can make me absolutely crazy, they have shown how simple happiness can be and what a pleasure being happy is.
on May 13 2010
I’m with you – no matter how I’m feeling, or what I’m searching for, when my 2YO cups her hands around my face to get my attention, I’m happy. (Even when she decides to take that opportunity to show me that she’s learned how to “spit toot-pate in a sink” it still makes me laugh.)
on May 13 2010
There is so much of life that is happy and you’re right … you just have to slow down and enjoy those moments. Now is all we get!
on May 13 2010
I love that you remind us that it’s not always the decisions themselves that make us happy. Sometimes we make them out of necessity, or that we don’t have any other choice. But even in these big events, there are the little moments that make us smile and laugh, that make all of this worth our while. Especially our kids.
.-= Justine´s latest blog post: Two sides of the same coin =-.
on May 13 2010
Yes, it’s the children. It makes everything worthwhile. They are so very much of my !!! I think about life pre-children and I can’t really remember when I ever felt the same amount of fullness I feel now that I am a mom.
on May 13 2010
I’m so glad that you find happiness in those little moments. That’s where I find happiness too.
.-= Allison @ Alli ‘n Son´s latest undefined post: Response cached until Thu 13 @ 20:54 GMT (Refreshes in 26 Minutes) =-.
on May 13 2010
I think that this is actually a very brave piece (you could have used it for the courage prompt too!). To say “Having children in and of itself did not make me happy” is not easy, no matter how true it may be. To admit that the days are long and hard, even with the love and the “flashes,” takes some guts, I think. And I’m grateful to you for saying it because I feel that way too and it’s nice to know that I’m not the only one out here feeling this way. Thanks, C.
.-= Kristen @ Motherese´s latest blog post: Random Acts of Courage =-.
on May 14 2010
My son looked over at me the other day and said, out of the blue, “Mummy, you’re the BEST!”
Happiness. Right there, in your face. I love it, and this post.
on May 14 2010
How true, that the major, life-changing events aren’t the ones that bring about instant happiness…it’s all in the little moments that are hidden among the day-to-day life.
.-= Crystal @ Semi-Crunchy Mama´s latest blog post: Cheese, Vegetable and Bacon Frittata Recipe =-.
on May 17 2010
I have been in conversation with a childless by choice friend who has recently decided because she is unhappy that she might need to have a baby to make her happy and she wanted me to reassure her that a baby would make her happy. I couldn’t do it, motherhood is hard and while my children bring me joy and happiness in so many little ways, there are so many other emotions that I have and will continue to have. Choosing to focus on happiness with my children, it’s a choice. Thank you for describing so concisely!
.-= Shawna´s latest blog post: The Importance of Memory =-.