A Simple Question
Like with twitter previously, I was one of the few remaining holdouts of Facebook. I didn’t want to sign up, because I didn’t think I particularly cared to find people I went to school with, who knew me back when. However, I found myself missing a few connections, a piece of my life from before. And so I finally took the plunge as a beginning first step.
Self-discovery, it starts with Facebook.
While it has been great to reconnect, it’s also forced me into contemplation. Especially when asked what I’ve been up to all this time.
What have I been up to?
I barely travel outside my home, let alone exotic destinations. There is no career that I’m proud of. Most of my friends are words on a screen. In the past 10 years, I have had pregnancy after pregnancy. My stomach extended and deflated. I quit my job to change diapers and chase kids. I yell “no!” so often my throat hurts. I pick up toys and blocks. I clean the house like a maid. I wash dishes and vacuum and sort laundry. I cook dinner. I don’t shower as often as I’d prefer. I’m not allowed to use the bathroom by myself. I am a human tissue, my clothes always stained. I stay in the same pajama pants most days. I feel lucky when I can frame a decent photograph. I check email and twitter for some interaction (validation?), though the concept of social media is still mind-boggling. I spin tales about poop on the internet. I’m a writer, maybe. I’m a mother, sometimes poorly. One step forward, two steps back.
This can’t be it, there has to be more.
What the hell have I been up to?
I'm Crystal. A 30-something mom to 3 young kids living in the Midwest USA. When I'm not chasing my children, I'm a freelance writer and web designer. I like to tell stories from our days and share what we enjoy...
21 Responses
on August 18 2010
I know it’s difficult when a situation forces you to take stock of your life and our successes are measured by the nice things we have, the brands we wear, trips we’ve taken and the rung on the corporate ladder we’re on.
But as a fellow mom, I know the work you do. And admire it immensely. Even wish I was in your shoes, being able to stay home with my girl. Because in the end, what matters is how THEY (our kids and significant other) look at us and we’re responsible for the kind of people they become. In that respect, your job is neverending, and as exhausting as that sounds, you know it can be very rewarding.
Especially when they look at us the way they do. Especially when you know that they will want no other in your place.
Justine’s latest post: “It’s a nice night for a walk”
on August 18th, 2010
@Justine, The grass is always greener, you know? I realize how fortunate I am with how much I have, sometimes I just wish I had more to show for it. Exciting tales to tell, I guess.
on August 18 2010
I know it is hard to quantify what we do as SAHM, but I believe it is important. The love and the attention you give to them will be remembered. I still can recall the days my mom would braid my hair before I went to school and the fun afternoon snack that was waiting when I returned home. What we do – it matters.
Sending hugs your way.
on August 18th, 2010
@Rudri Patel, Oh man, my kid is about to start school next week, do I have to have snacks ready for him when he comes home? (Ha! Just kidding… kinda.)
on August 18 2010
I don’t know. You can always say you are an engineer (as in domestic engineer); project manager (how else could you keep it all together?); CEO of a small company (I’m sure you rule the roost); negotiator (takes a lot to keep those kids from killing themselves); holistic physician (because you heal when called upon); personal chef (the kids need to eat, right?).
But like Rudri says, the kids will remember you – and that’s the best thing of all and that’s what matters.
Cathy’s latest post: Will I Ever Shine
on August 18th, 2010
@Cathy, Ha! These are great! I’m especially fond of holistic physician. I’m an MD! And a personal chef… of mac n cheese. Ha! Thank you!
on August 18 2010
It is hard when faced with that question. Professional Butt-Wiper doesn’t sound that glamorous, does it?
TheKitchenWitch’s latest post: Intentional Happiness- NYC Edition
on August 18th, 2010
@TheKitchenWitch, That is my exact quandary.
on August 18 2010
OK, so you haven’t made millions of dollars or cured cancer, but maybe you’re raising a child who will. Being a mom is important. If the people reconnecting with you don’t think so, they’re the ones who don’t understand the real value to be found in life.
Proudly keep rockin being a mom!
Mrs.Mayhem’s latest post: Modifying a Gentle Reminder
on August 18th, 2010
@Mrs.Mayhem, You’re definitely right. But it’s not the people I was reconnecting with that had a problem with it (I don’t think). I found myself wishing I had more to share than a SAHM. I’ve had kids, yes, but I also realized I really haven’t done much.
on August 18 2010
To be honest, I think that is quite enough! You might be interested to read: Hand Wash Cold:Care Instructions for an Ordinary Life. She writes about finding validation and beauty in the ordinary. Maybe you aren’t into that, but it provided me with a ton of perspective.
on August 18th, 2010
@Christine LaRocque, Usually, I have no problem finding those bright spots in an ordinary day, hence the entire concept of my blog. heh. It’s just sometimes…. sometimes. It can creep up on the best of us.
on August 18 2010
What you’ve been doing is no less valuable than what anyone else has been doing. In fact I could name three little ones that would say what you’ve been doing is the most important thing in the world.
Marilyn (A Lot of Loves)’s latest post: Teaching a Friend- Wednesday of Few Words
on August 18 2010
You have been living. Truly living. And you are an amazing writer. There!
Best,
Tina
on August 18 2010
Do NOT marginalize what you do!! It is a darn hard job. And you are only pointing out the repetitive UNglamorous side of it. And you’re looking at it from what OTHER (childless, presumably) people might think looking in from the outside. You know the truth of your life and if you’re happy, that’s all you need. Of course saying all that, I am no more immune to thinking these things than anyone else.
on August 18 2010
I’ll learned to hate the “So what have you been up to?” question – I never know how to answer it anymore. Despise is not a strong enough word.
Maria @BOREDmommy’s latest post: What To Take In Case of a Emergency
on August 19 2010
Oh yes – it’s all “where do I start” and then, “but wait. How do I make it interesting?”
But I’m willing to bet that you’re rocking the forward steps, whether it feels like it or not.
Leslie’s latest post: Questions- comments- concerns
on August 23 2010
I love Cathy’s take on it all, and I’m going to have to remember those job titles!
I understand completely where you’re coming from here. For the first year after leaving my job , I used to answer that question by saying that “I used to be a preschool teacher, now I’m staying home with my son.” I felt like I needed to justify it, to clarify that maybe I’m a stay-at-home-mom right now, but hey, I used to do something. It’s taken a while to grow into my new role, to feel confidant that what I’m doing now has meaning and has worth. And I’m still not 100% there, especially when face-to-face with someone from my past life who has it all, who seems super-successful and pulled together. I think it’s a statement on society…how the measure of one’s success is based on “what do you do” rather than who you are. We’ve got a ways to go…
Crystal @ Semi-Crunchy Mama’s latest post: Birthdays and White Hairs
on August 23rd, 2010
@Crystal @ Semi-Crunchy Mama, A teacher is nothing to sneeze at. I don’t even have a career to say what I used to be. Most of my jobs were just that, jobs. They weren’t life-spanning, defining careers.
on August 24th, 2010
@C. (Kid Things), But that’s just it…rather than focusing on what I or you “used to be,” with how we earned our paycheck as the way to define who we are, let’s step back and celebrate what we’re doing in the here-and-now. We’re raising some pretty amazing kids, which is an amazingly frustrating/exhausting/exasperating/demanding/rewarding job. We’re nurturing and guiding the next generation…and that’s something to be be proud of.
Crystal @ Semi-Crunchy Mama’s latest post: “Rain Coming”
on August 24th, 2010
@Crystal @ Semi-Crunchy Mama, You’re right. Being a mom is definitely nothing to sneeze at, either. It’s damn hard. I just had a moment of wishing there was something *more*.