Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome and thank you for attending today’s not-in-the-least anticipated matchup. We expect a vaguely entertaining and clean bout with as few rounds as possible. There will be no referee with us today, however, so do what you have to do for protection. Though let me remind you, screaming like a girl is strictly prohibited. Since one of you is armed with a stinger, the other has chosen as her mode of defense a rolled up Maxim magazine and a bottle of Windex. I don’t know what she was thinking, either, ladies and gentlemen.
Now, let me introduce you to our untrained, yet ferocious, fighters this morning, ladies and gentlemen! In this corner, we have a wasp. He’s brown, beady-eyed, and happens to have found a comfortable residence for waspy things in his opponent’s slim mailbox.
In the other corner, we have our noble challenger, C. She’s terrified of wasps and doesn’t want her mail carrier, nor herself, to get stung when reaching in to gather her mail. Really, the bills sting enough. We agree there, don’t we ladies and gentlemen?
And the bell rings! Stay safe and good luck!
Round 1: Here comes C, she’s about to check the mailbox. The suspense is insurmountable! She appears steady, firm in her stance. But the wasp is in a strong striking position. Just the look of him alone appears enough to send C retreating. Round 1 goes to the wasp!
Round 2: She’s at it again, this time with a different take on the same approach. Cowering for cover, she flings the door open enough to jolt the wasp out. The wasp flew out, ladies and gentlemen! This round may go to… Wait, it’s back! The wasp is back! Stubborn and determined to stand its ground. Round 2, again we have to give it to the wasp.
Round 3: What’s that? C has brought out the big guns, ladies and gentlemen! In her left hand, she has the rolled up magazine, in her right a bottle of Windex. What do you think she’s going to do? Clean him? Let’s see! She manages 3 sprays before the wasp gives up and flies away. It’s gone again, ladies and gentlemen! That was a good amount of window cleaner it consumed. I don’t know if we’ll see him again, but he should be shiny if we do. Round 3, and the winner by ineptitude, goes to C! Congratulations C!
That’s right bee-otch, who’s scared now? (Please don’t come back.)