Detox

Hello, my name is Crystal and I’m addicted to the internet.

There is no sense in denying it. Me and my computer are BFFs. It’s in me, my lifeblood. I have cried before at the loss of an internet connection. I have resorted to drastic measure to keep in touch. It’s hard to step away, to put down, to focus elsewhere. The web has been a major part of who I am for almost 15 years now. There are times when I have even preferred it to real life.

And that is where it’s gone wrong.

Jedi is my child in every sense. He is me, in little boy form. And he takes after my serious interest in all things online. He’s fascinated with games and wikis and silly YouTube clips. It’s all he wants to do. I knew it was getting to be a problem, but it didn’t fully sink in until the other night. Every day I ask who he plays with at school, and every day he’s been saying nobody. But the other night, I dug further. After many followup questions, it’s because he’d rather be home. Playing on the computer.

He’s shy in real life. Like me. It’s easier on the computer. I get that. Do I ever get that. But I’m not doing him any favors letting this go on. It’s become an unhealthy crutch, for both of us.

Starting that night, his screen access has been limited. As he so poignantly noted, however, “Why do I have to get off the computer and you can be on all day?”. Fair question, and I can’t. Not anymore. Thus, I’ve set a limit on my own access, as well.

Because my son, my kids, are my real world. Where things aren’t always easy, but they can be beautiful and touching and fleeting. It is better, here. Not to say that it will be a smooth transition, I’ve been a bit twitchy already. We’ll suffer through our withdrawals, though, together.

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