You Damn Dear Dog

Dear Dog,

Maybe dear is too intimate a greeting here. You’re not my dog, after all. And even if you were, I’m not sure I’d reference you with such affection. Though you did follow me home, much to my chagrin. I’m just glad I didn’t have any kibble available, because I know I would have fed you and then you would have never left.

Because while I may talk a big game, I’m really a softie. Just ask my parents. They were left with a batch of strays I couldn’t help but offer a home when I moved out.

Which isn’t to say you’re not cute. You’re very cute. With your pointy black ears and enthusiastic tail, I want to scratch your scruffy belly. It’s just, you see, you’re a puppy with a lot of energy. Too much for me to handle right now, to be honest. Just the thought of you is exhausting. Though, admittedly, that isn’t a terrible feat with 3 kids who run circles around me. I could barely muster the gumption to take care of our cat, and he just slept all day.

This is what I’m asking of you, then. I know it’s not fun to be restrained. You want to run! And chase squirrels! And kids! Must tackle the kids! But I worry about you when you’re out there, alone. I mean, there are cars and the bad things that could happen make me want to look out for you. You damn dog.

So if you could just stay in your own yard. Or at least stop excitedly lunging for us at lightning speed from out of nowhere as we shuffle to the bus stop. You’re scaring the crap out of my daughter and making my already sucktastic mornings even more difficult. That much would be appreciated.

I hope we have an understanding,
The one with your eager dirty paw prints on her pants


  1. says

    I used to help out random dogs. Now I have kids. There was the one who jumped into my car and as I tried to figure out what to do with him his owner came demanding to know what his dog was doing in my yard (um, I was trying to keep the little monster from running to the really big street?). Yeah.

    And those who jump. Hm. Poorly trained mongrels.
    Kate’s latest post: Thursday shorts


    From: C. (Kid Things)
    on October 13th, 2011

    @Kate, We had something similar story happen. Dude, like I really need a dog that bad.

    Jumping is bad, yes. But this was a puppy still, so he was kind of forgiven. Until he knocked my daughter over, anyway.


  2. says

    I hate when dogs charge at me.

    Or bark the entire night. I want to knock on the owner’s door and be like, “Do you not HEAR that?”
    Amber’s latest post: There Goes The Garden


    From: C. (Kid Things)
    on October 13th, 2011

    @Amber, I have a dog next door, literally right at my window, who HOWLS. The first night they got him, he howled all night long and I was about to strangle someone. After that, they’ve been bringing him in at night.


  3. says

    I am so with you! 11 years ago, the day before our wedding, I was driving out to get my nails done and a rat terrier ran right in front of my car. I took her home, kept her in the house all day, and hung up found dog fliers after our rehearsal dinner. 2 a.m. the night before my wedding. I’m surprised my husband still went through with it. If that didn’t prove I am crazy I don’t know what else does.


    From: C. (Kid Things)
    on October 15th, 2011

    @Ali, Now that’s dedication. Good for you, though. I hope the dog found her home after all that.


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