Walking to the bus stop one morning with Jedi tagging along beside me yammering on about something or other, as is his usual way, when he turns to me in mid-run-on-sentence with a request.
“Hey, Mom, can you teach me how to whistle?”
“I don’t know how to whistle”, I tell him. It’s true, I don’t know how to whistle. I’ve attempted, others have tried to impart their wisdom, but they all say I’m just blowing air out of mouth. Hot air, no surprise. To further blow his mind, I also offer this extra piece of information towards my inadequacies. “I don’t know how to swim, either.”
“You don’t know how to swim?”, he asks, shocked. It was as if I could have told him I was born with a tail. Though he doesn’t know how to swim, either.
That’s right, kid. Your mom has no idea what she’s doing on many fronts. So please don’t fall into a large body of water, because not only can I not swim, but I also can’t whistle for help.
A list of other select things I can’t do:
- understand a large part of his 2nd grade math
- drive in Chicago, or any large city, without incurring an anxiety attack
- fall asleep without the television on
- properly accessorize
- roller skate
- read or write or talk about s.e.x. without blushing
So tell me, as that I may feel better about myself and everything that escapes my ability, what are some things that you can’t do?