Metamorphosis

August 25 2010 · comment 11 Comments
Posted in: Daily · Tags: , ,

We were standing at the corner of the street, waiting for Jedi’s yellow carriage to emerge. I had gotten us there early, because I wanted to make sure we arrived in time to see him home. I now know that I didn’t need to worry, as his bus wouldn’t come for another 30 minutes.

To pass the minutes by, and to give my sweating hand a rest, I told Buzz to sit. Take a break. Play in the overgrown grass. He found a stick and began raking through the bug-laden yard in need of mowing. Around us, butterflies continued to flutter. That’s when I bent down and saw a swarm of them, basking in the summer sun, scaling tall blades of swaying green.

Caterpillars. Black and white, in varying sizes. There had to be at least 6 in that immediate patch of grass.

“Look Buzz! Caterpillars!”, I showed him.

“Caterpillars”, he repeated softly, concentrating on the new find.

“Caterpillars turn into butterflies”, I informed studiously, as one danced above our head and another at our feet.

We spent the next few minutes poking gently at the caterpillars, watching as they spread their elongated bodies against the picturesque blue skies, ready and waiting for the day when they develop their wings. Small changes at first, but then it happens so quick.

Soon after, the bus pulled up, carrying my oldest son. My once helplessly dependent baby, who’s also shedding his cocoon, morphing into a glorious butterfly.

I’m Watching

August 24 2010 · comment 17 Comments
Posted in: The Kids · Tags: ,

“Mommy watch!”

Abby’s positioned on the couch, one of our decorative pillows in hand. I’m trying to do some work on the computer from the chair across from her, but she’s having none of it. If I take my eyes away for a second, she barks even louder, her face in a pout.

“Mommy watch!”

She takes the pillow and pretends to eat it, stuffing a piece in her mouth. Then takes it out, smiling, to do it again. I act briefly impressed at her latest benign talent as I attempt returning to more pertinent matters at hand.

“Mommy watch!”

I look over to find the pillow balancing atop her head now, a smirk resting across her lips. I laugh, saying another few words of strained encouragement before I try to continue working, getting nothing more than a few letters typed.

“Mommy watch!”

She runs to the center of the room before she starts off clumsily spinning. Small actions that to her seem huge. I dart my view away for a moment, when she files to me directly, capturing my cheeks with both hands and wrinkling her tender nose.

“Mommy watch!”

I get it, finally. Whatever I was working on can certainly wait. There’s dances and tricks and funny faces. Matters much more pressing that need my full attention.

Upward and Onward

August 23 2010 · comment 12 Comments
Posted in: The Kids · Tags: , ,

Dear Jedi,

Today is your very first day of school. I know, I should have written this last year when you headed off to kindergarten. Except we messed up, your father and I. We all know this by now. We weren’t sure if we were moving at that time or staying here, and your registration continued to be postponed. Clearly, we weren’t in any kind of rush.

Because I was afraid to let you go, you were held back.

“We’ve never had this situation before”, the school informed me. Which is polite code for geez, mom, what the heck are you doing? Good question. We decided that you would spend a couple weeks in a kindergarten setting, to make sure you’re ready to advance. What you know and your willingness to learn will be assessed and evaluated. You will be the oldest kid in the class, turning 7 years of age in November. For at least those first few weeks, anyway. Because you will rock their socks off, I have no doubt.

You will move forward. You will be in 1st grade soon enough, with your group, with friends, right where you’re supposed to be. We all know how incredibly smart you are, it won’t take long for them to know, too.

Today, we dropped you off for your very first day and I am so incredibly proud of you. For taking all of this in stride. For being nervous, but not afraid. For paying no attention as I shed a few tears. For walking through those doors, into your own.

I love you. I miss you already. I can’t wait to hear about your day.

Two for Tea

August 20 2010 · comment 12 Comments
Posted in: Daily · Tags: , ,

We had a tea party. I’m sorry you weren’t invited, it was a simple affair. A table set for two, mother and daughter. A few minutes of the morning, a small moment in time. No boys allowed even, though it didn’t stop them from trying to intervene.

I’m afraid I forgot to dress up for the occasion. I’ll try to remember to wear my pearls next time. Abby adorned in striped pink pants and blue Flower Power shirt. Dainty ceramic teacups, her Fisher-Price musical teapot. A vessel in my lap with hers clinging against the table. Pinky extended.

She’d fill my cup then walk to hers. Pour. Again and again, I’d pretend to slurp the best tea I’ve ever tasted. If I believe it’s real, and she believes it’s real, then it must be.

“Mmmm… that’s good!”, I exclaimed.

“Some more?”, she asked in a knowing tone, my daughter’s vocabulary expanding every day. What she can say, what she understands.

“Oh, yes please!”, I declared.

Motioning to the pink play teapot, Jedi nudged his way through to ask, “Are you really drinking anything?”

It all depends on what you choose to believe. Love, air, happiness, forgiveness, imagination, even the most delicious tea for two. Some matters might seem mythical, but you don’t have to taste it to know what’s real.

A Simple Question

August 18 2010 · comment 21 Comments
Posted in: Me Myself · Tags: ,

Like with twitter previously, I was one of the few remaining holdouts of Facebook. I didn’t want to sign up, because I didn’t think I particularly cared to find people I went to school with, who knew me back when. However, I found myself missing a few connections, a piece of my life from before. And so I finally took the plunge as a beginning first step.

Self-discovery, it starts with Facebook.

While it has been great to reconnect, it’s also forced me into contemplation. Especially when asked what I’ve been up to all this time.

What have I been up to?

I barely travel outside my home, let alone exotic destinations. There is no career that I’m proud of. Most of my friends are words on a screen. In the past 10 years, I have had pregnancy after pregnancy. My stomach extended and deflated. I quit my job to change diapers and chase kids. I yell “no!” so often my throat hurts. I pick up toys and blocks. I clean the house like a maid. I wash dishes and vacuum and sort laundry. I cook dinner. I don’t shower as often as I’d prefer. I’m not allowed to use the bathroom by myself. I am a human tissue, my clothes always stained. I stay in the same pajama pants most days. I feel lucky when I can frame a decent photograph. I check email and twitter for some interaction (validation?), though the concept of social media is still mind-boggling. I spin tales about poop on the internet. I’m a writer, maybe. I’m a mother, sometimes poorly. One step forward, two steps back.

This can’t be it, there has to be more.

What the hell have I been up to?