Multiple Choice

April 13 2011

Posted in: Daily · Tags: Abby, Buzz, motherhood

Let’s play a game, shall we?

Maybe it’s more of a test. Multiple choice. But I’m sure your kid(s) will think it’s a game.

Say your 4 year old runs to you with a worried expression, flapping his arms excitedly. “Mommy! Mommy!”, he calls for your attention as he darts off. You take the hint and follow as he leads you into the bathroom that you didn’t even realize had been opened. Inside, you eye your not-so-innocent 2 and a half year old daughter standing stoic in nothing but a diaper, dripping wet toilet plunger in hand like a staff. A few other items are scattered nearby, thankfully nothing toxic. From the sound of the tank filling again with water, you can hear that the toilet had just been flushed. You look in the bowl to find the soggy remnants of:

a.) A full roll of toilet paper
b.) Your watch
c.) The television remote control
d.) A Spiderman action figure
e.) A handful of unopened pantyliners
f.) Your child is an angel who wouldn’t dare think of tainting anything with toilet water, because you’re a wonderful mother who has worked hard to raise your child right. Where’s that Mother of the Year award?

If you chose f., congratulations. However, if your answer is e. in this instance, you next are:

a.) Angry
b.) Relieved
c.) Fearful at the possibilities of what they might have also managed to plunge down the drain before you walked in.

Answer key: There are no right answers.

The World is His Ladybug

April 12 2011

Posted in: The Kids · Tags: boys, Buzz, outside

The weather has been anything but consistent this first bit of spring, you may be aware. While this has never been my favorite season, I have to admit that between the varying extreme temperatures have been some remarkably decent days. I’ve been trying to reap the full benefit of those by taking more walks and letting the kids play outside. Because they say fresh air and sunshine are good for you.

Being a little boy, Buzz likes to dig around in dirt. Sometimes he hunts for treasure, mainly he just wants to get messy. On special occasions, he’ll revel in a found insect while his little sister crowds around. Their rasps of delight traveling across the yard.

“Look, Mommy, a ladybug!”, Buzz stated ecstatically, staring at the fellow he had placed on his arm.

“That’s great!”, I called, admittedly without paying attention. Because fresh air and sunshine are good enough to tune everything else out for. The second time he announced his companion, though, I felt formal introductions may be in order. “Mommy, look, a ladybug!”, he exclaimed again.

“Oh, no, that’s not a ladybug!”, I almost shrieked before shaking the slimy creature off his arm where it was still slithering its ascent. “That’s a slug. Slugs are icky”, I tried to explain.

Buzz, however, failed to be daunted by my apparent repulsion. He immediately bounded to where he found the first slug in hopes of finding another. Which he did, pincer grasping the molusc onto his arm again. “Mommy, look! A ladybug!”, he yelped happily.

Where I see a slug, he sees a ladybug. That’s part of our problem. But sometimes, I wish I could see more of the delicate in lieu of the muck, too.

How to Win a Debate

April 11 2011

Posted in: Me Myself · Tags: life, motherhood

I swear, at one point in time I had other topics of interest to contend. A day that didn’t consist of dirty diapers and spilled milk and tantrums over string cheese. There was a time when I engaged in meaningful discussion. Some might even call them arguments, a more kind term would be debate. My opinion countered against another’s. About the state of our world, the direction it was headed, the ridiculousness of politics. Big, smart stuff, people.

I vaguely recall a joy at simply being heard. My point of view listened to. Sometimes, even taken into consideration. If nothing else, however, I was at least acknowledged.

From what I can remember, it’s nice to be able to express your thoughts in a clear and intellectual fashion.

Now, my most heated discussions have to do with; behavior that constitutes a time-out punishment, hiding in closets: pros and cons, how one can not live on peanut butter and jelly alone (backed by scientific studies, no less), acceptable play items (ie; a dirty mop is not a toy, neither is an oven), the benefits to cleaning up after oneself, and naps: a necessity or waste of time? My position on these matters is probably not surprising.

These debates tend to not be polite, neither are they friendly nor constructive. They can quickly turn downright nasty. Kicking and screaming, a contest is likely to end in wails of discontent. Points are not given the chance to be considered, they are essentially ignored. I am selectively heard, rarely acknowledged, and completely dismissed.

With all of the education I’ve received, along with the bits of information I’ve collected since, I never would have imagined my toughest adversary would sleep in pink Minnie Mouse footie pajamas. My kids have taught me that you don’t need years of knowledge to win a debate, however. The secret is to thoroughly exhaust the opposition until they just don’t give a damn anymore.

Love Letters

April 08 2011

Posted in: The Kids · Tags: Jedi, letters, school

Whatever happened to 7 year old boys thinking girls had cooties? Isn’t that the norm anymore? If not, I feel I should start that rumor mill back up again. Cooties were nice. I miss cooties. Instead, my 7 year old boy is turning into Romeo.

“What’s a Romeo?”, he asked after I gently chided.

“It’s a guy who likes a lot of girls”, I replied in the simplest way.

“Oh, then yeah, that’s me”, he agreed with a skip in his step and two notes in his school folder for two different girls in his class. The night previous he asked for 2 pieces of paper, a red crayon, and a pencil. Very specifically, very seriously, but without further explanation. Except I kept forgetting his request until numerous reminders later. Only when I finally retrieved his exact supplies did he let me in on his intentions and what the outpouring of affections should read. All with only the slightest blush on his cheeks.

Dear ______

<3 (a large heart colored in red crayon)

Sincerely Jedi

Which made me feel as if I should construct my own letter. After I ceased hyperventilating long enough to hold a pencil, that is. To look out for his best interest and all.

Dear Jedi

COOTIES! (picture of a black widow spider)

Love, Mom

Cheese!

April 06 2011

Posted in: The Kids · Tags: Abby, photos, ww