Archive for the ‘highly unusual’ Tag
March 06 2012
There’s a story that my mom likes to tell.
It happened a long time ago, before I was born. It’s a tale that starts out ordinarily enough. My father, a very intelligent man with common sense and inner strength for miles, was innocently taking a bath. There’s nothing wrong with that. Relaxing, doing whatever he did. When he was ready to get out, he pulled the plug keeping the water in, as is necessary to do.
Again, nothing out of the ordinary.
Except somewhere between innocent and how in the world, my dad managed to get his big toe stuck in the water drain.
It apparently took much maneuvering to set him free. The details at this point are fuzzy. In fact, I’ve never received an answer on just how this could happen or what type of emergency services had to be called to rescue his toe. Because it’s around now that my mother is always laughing too hard to speak.
She has never let him live this moment in their history down.
My mother will tell this story to anyone, even feeling the need to share it with the next generation of curious audiences. So far, Jedi has been one to sit down for this heart to heart. Through fits of laughter.
And now, every time my son pulls the drain after a bath, he jumps in a hurried panic out of the tub. Terrified that his toe will get caught in the drain. Like Grandpa. When you think of lessons to pass down, I don’t think this was what they had in mind. Though it is an important lesson to learn.
Don’t get your toe caught in a drain, kids.
November 01 2011
I took an arm, and Jedi chose a leg.
It was a duel.
Like a clumsy dance we moved, clanking our weapons courtesy of a plastic skeleton. I practiced my rookie poses that I obtained from a very limited view of fencing while my oldest son held a firm blocking stance. Even the dearly departed replica skull got into the action, converting into a magical amulet that could defeat all.
With a bout of laughter, Buzz picked up the other leg bone, and Abby the second arm. They had teamed together with 3 against 1, an odds I’m used to. Except now, I possessed a metal pan lid for armor.
There were things I had to do, and I’ll be lying if I said I wasn’t running down the list while we were playing. The laundry needed switched, dishes washed, toys picked up. Same ol’, same ol’ that I worry myself with every day. In truth, it can all wait until tomorrow. Some days, we just need to use our imaginations and play. It’s amazing how included kids can get with a simple game of clanking bones.
“Can we do this again later?”, Jedi asked when we were done. “That was fun.”
Of course we can.
At first, I didn’t know what to do with the bag of skeleton bones that were meant as decoration for Halloween. I never would have thought of sword fighting on my own, but it was a rather brilliant idea.
September 08 2011
“Here, Jedi, look at me!”
It was meant as a fun offer, from a mother to a son. I huffed on the concave side of the stainless steel, forming a nonslip surface, and applied the cold utensil against the tip of my nose. There was excitement in my voice as the spoon obeyed just as intended.
“How am I balancing the spoon on my nose, Jedi? Is it magic?”
I thought he’d be impressed, maybe he’d try to do the trick himself. It’s these simple moments between a mother and son that are most remembered. Once the beginning step was perfected, we could then proceed to the next level of difficulty; hanging multiple spoons all over our faces. It could be like a game. We could be a traveling freak show family of dangling forehead kitchen utensils. The dreams, they were aplenty.
“Isn’t this cool?”, I asked heartily, the spoon still resting on the ledge of my nose.
Instead, he rolled his eyes and crushed my dreams.
“Stop it, Mom”, he urged, completely deadpan.
Says the kid who finds anything fart-related hilarious. Yes, it’s these simple moments between a son rolling his eyes at his mother who’s trying too hard with a cold spoon dangling from the tip of her nose that I’ll cherish for always. It really is magic, I say.
May 04 2011
Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome and thank you for attending today’s not-in-the-least anticipated matchup. We expect a vaguely entertaining and clean bout with as few rounds as possible. There will be no referee with us today, however, so do what you have to do for protection. Though let me remind you, screaming like a girl is strictly prohibited. Since one of you is armed with a stinger, the other has chosen as her mode of defense a rolled up Maxim magazine and a bottle of Windex. I don’t know what she was thinking, either, ladies and gentlemen.
Now, let me introduce you to our untrained, yet ferocious, fighters this morning, ladies and gentlemen! In this corner, we have a wasp. He’s brown, beady-eyed, and happens to have found a comfortable residence for waspy things in his opponent’s slim mailbox.
In the other corner, we have our noble challenger, C. She’s terrified of wasps and doesn’t want her mail carrier, nor herself, to get stung when reaching in to gather her mail. Really, the bills sting enough. We agree there, don’t we ladies and gentlemen?
And the bell rings! Stay safe and good luck!
Round 1: Here comes C, she’s about to check the mailbox. The suspense is insurmountable! She appears steady, firm in her stance. But the wasp is in a strong striking position. Just the look of him alone appears enough to send C retreating. Round 1 goes to the wasp!
Round 2: She’s at it again, this time with a different take on the same approach. Cowering for cover, she flings the door open enough to jolt the wasp out. The wasp flew out, ladies and gentlemen! This round may go to… Wait, it’s back! The wasp is back! Stubborn and determined to stand its ground. Round 2, again we have to give it to the wasp.
Round 3: What’s that? C has brought out the big guns, ladies and gentlemen! In her left hand, she has the rolled up magazine, in her right a bottle of Windex. What do you think she’s going to do? Clean him? Let’s see! She manages 3 sprays before the wasp gives up and flies away. It’s gone again, ladies and gentlemen! That was a good amount of window cleaner it consumed. I don’t know if we’ll see him again, but he should be shiny if we do. Round 3, and the winner by ineptitude, goes to C! Congratulations C!
That’s right bee-otch, who’s scared now? (Please don’t come back.)
December 20 2010
Buzz is really into Santa Claus.
Really. Into Santa Claus. With emphasis.
He’s fascinated. It’s not just this time of year, though now in the season it doesn’t seem as strange to protectively cart around an action figure of Father Christmas.
For awhile, he was falling asleep with Santa’s head. Just his head. Because the figure was so well loved that he severed the head from his body and no matter how much we’ve tried to super glue, it just won’t adhere back together.
Nothing weird about that at all.
When I decorated for the holiday last week, I also found in hiding our small seasonal snowglobe. It’s a plastic kind, hardly breakable I thought. Inside is a serene winter scene with Santa in full regalia sitting next to a star-topped tree, while shaken snow drifts around him. Buzz latched onto it as soon as I set it out.
He carried this globe around everywhere. It even took the place of his beloved Santa head on his pillow at night. Because sleeping with a snowglobe is still weird, but less so. I found it in bags and boxes and drawers. Under tables and high on shelves and in a battle with Buzz Lightyear. Then, one fateful morning, it was stuffed in a sock and banged on the floor one time too many.
Turns out, the plastic snowglobe? Completely breakable.
Seems we’re back to the creepy Santa head.
I'm Crystal. A 30-something mom to 3 young kids living in the Midwest USA. When I'm not chasing my children, I'm a freelance writer and web designer. I like to tell stories from our days and share what we enjoy...
