What it Means to Me

February 02 2010 · 6 Comments
Posted in: Daily · Tags: life, lists, motherhood

Parenting is:

• running on 5 hours of sleep, if I’m lucky
• a permanent imprint on the bottom of my foot of a car/block/the hell was that?
• repetition, repetition, repetition
• cleaning puddles of pee out of the carpet
• kissing imaginary boo-boos
• little hands everywhere, in everything
• partaking in the hundredth game of peek-a-boo
• a slimy coating of snot and spit
• never eating in peace unless the kids are in bed
• same with using the bathroom (see above)
• a movie watched in 10 minute non-consecutive spurts
• always being “on”
• taking bizarre satisfaction from digging boogers out of a nose
• dealing with more bodily fluids than I ever thought possible
• keeping a supply of super glue on hand
• fighting over/under/through/just eat your goddamn dinner
• happy streaking
• sneakily extracting batteries from the jam-pencils-in-my-ears toys
• having at least one “I GIVE UP!” moment a day
• a house decorated in cheap, colorful plastic
• “Is that poop? Or chocolate? I hope it’s chocolate. Here, smell it.”
• calculated by the number of uses you can find for baby wipes
• a lot of potty humor
• mostly guessing
• fickled, questioning, frustrating
• accepting, ridiculous, the best gig I’ve ever had

Retrospect: 2009

December 31 2009 · 1 Comment
Posted in: General · Tags: lists, teh internetz

With a start of a new year tomorrow, a look back at a few of my favorite entries, as inspired by Jill at Scary Mommy. Keep in mind, I just started this site in May.

In May, my daughter tried to bust her pediatrician’s eardrums with her wails. So she has a temper. Who knew?

In June, Ethan mistook any passing elderly woman for his grandma. Good times.

In July, I thought I was brilliant. Really friggin’ brilliant.

In August, I was ready to get my body back. I’m still ready, but there’s a certain little girl who is not.

In September, Jayden sent a friend request to a rubber ducky. Good thing it was accepted.

In October, I reminisced about bad breath during childbirth.

In November, I was reminded why I don’t drive very often, especially with kids in the car.

In December, I was, or I should say I am, done. Full. Complete.

Not wanting to repeat myself, I tried to select different entries from those listed in the sidebar. If you’re still in need of things to read after this, though, be sure to check those out, too.

2010, let’s make it a good one. Happy New Year, everyone!

In No Particular Order

November 03 2009 · 3 Comments
Posted in: Daily · Tags: grrr face, lists, motherhood

20 things more fun than dealing with a child in the throes of a screaming fit in the backseat of a car:

1. driving through Chicago during rush hour
2. screeching nails on a chalkboard
3. trying to find pants that fit
4. explaining why girls have girl parts and boys have boy parts to a 5 year old
5. the swine flu
6. waking up at 6 a.m.
7. running out of Skittles
8. peeing in front of a crowd of 3 little people
9. period piece dramas starring Keira Knightley
10. being kicked in the head
11. a rousing game of football
12. weird PHP errors in Wordpress
13. migraines
14. paper cuts
15. picking up a room full of Hot Wheels cars
16. drinking expired milk
17. eating brussel sprouts
18. jamming a fork in my eye
19. an endless conversation about tomatoes with the neighborhood loon
20. writing this list

It’s safe to say tantrums of any kind are bad, but those in the backseat of a moving vehicle are an especially horrendous form of misery. Especially when one really dislikes and panics when driving in the first place. I may have even found myself ineptly threatening, “don’t make me pull this car over young man.”