Archive for the ‘lists’ Tag
January 12 2012
“Kids have it a lot easier than parents”, Jedi stated one recent afternoon. “Do you want me to tell you why?”
Of course I said I did, please list your reasons because I would love to hear this. His explanation was enlightening, though brief.
1. Kids don’t have to cook
2. We get to drink apple juice
3. We have more free time
All true and accurate. But the list could have went on. Here are just a small selection of mine to add on to his list of why kids have it easier than adults:
1. Kids do not have to brave the grocery store. In fact, it’s better if they stay home.
2. Kids get to sleep in. Not that they ever do, but they can. And if they did, maybe the parents could, too.
3. Kids ask their parent for answers on their homework, and then they take all the credit. If an adult did that at their job, it would be considered plagiarism.
4. Kids don’t have to do laundry. Or a long list of chores that keep the house running. At least not yet. Kids complain relentlessly when they are asked just to pick up their toys.
5. Kids do not have to remember and schedule a myriad of appointments. They go along with what we say, even when we inevitably arrive at the pediatrician on the wrong day.
6. When a kid barfs in the middle of the night, they are never the one who has to clean it up.
7. “Mommy? Mommy? Mommy? Mommy, why are you not listening to me? Mommy?” Need I say more?
January 10 2012
It’s been a few weeks since Christmas now, and all the toys my kids received have lost their novelty. For this year, I made it a mission to gift items that held a purpose, rather than, say, a Captain America action figure that would just be thrown in a drawer to be forgotten. As always, however, some were more of a hit than others.
These are the top toys from Christmas ’11 that haven’t been a waste of money:
1. Play-Doh Fun Factory Deluxe Set: Santa must have been high on candy canes this Christmas when he decided to leave this play-doh set under the tree for Buzz. With the constantly picking beads of doh out of my carpet since, and fighting a losing battle in my obsessive compulsion to keep the colors separated. This isn’t about me, though.
2. Abby & Emma Magnetic Dress-Up: Big, chunky pieces with a lot of options. It keeps my little fashion star’s attention for awhile as she mixes and matches the outfits. It’s something I would have loved as a kid.
3. Diary of a Wimpy Kid: This was a last minute addition to Jedi’s stocking. I’ve bought him other chapter books in the past that he never so much as glanced at. This one, however, a book with over 200 pages, he finished in 4 days.
4. LEGO Duplo Building Set: Buzz loves LEGOs. I bought him a few sets of the regular LEGOs, but he’s not quite at the level to put them together by himself yet. The Duplos are just right for him. And it comes with a playmat that can be zipped together into a bin for additional storage. Anything that comes with its own storage is a good idea.
5. AquaDoodle: Christmas night, I set this up and watched as all 3 of my children sat together and played with it. Taking turns. Together. It was amazing.
6. Hungry Hungry Hippos: I remember this game from my youth being really loud. There’s enough noise in my house as it is, so I was hesitant. But turns out, it’s a really great game for all of us. It’s straightforward and easy enough for Buzz and Abby, but competitive for Jedi. Now, the only thing we need to work on is the sore losing attitude.
November 28 2011
As demonstrated by Jedi, but it’s surprisingly universal:
1. Start with confidence. “I’m going to play with those kids across the street”, Jedi initially stated with supreme brevity as he went in search of his shoes after watching from the window for a few moments. There were 5 or 6 neighbor kids in various activities, at least one of which he goes to school with.
2. Question the decision. “Should I go play with them? Is it OK? Do you think they have anything to play with that I’d like?”, he wondered. Which is the point where he began talk himself out of it. It’s fine, I assured. I’ll be here watching, just stay within my sight. Go, have fun, I shooed.
3. Need assistance. Like a push. Or a shove. “But you’re going to go with me, aren’t you?”, Jedi asked with a drop in demeanor. “Because I can’t go over by myself.” As a compromise, we all ventured outside to the fresh air where he could make an easier transition. In other words, I got your back.
4. Lose all confidence. As we were now outside, I suggested an easy way to politely ask if he could join in. But he cowered behind me. Instructing instead, in a timid little voice, “Just yell over there and ask for me, please? Please, please, please?”.
5. Blame someone else. Especially when, 5 minutes of back and forth later, you hear the rather loud parent to those children across the street inform them that it’s time to go. “You wasted all that time”, as Jedi’s pout began to quiver. “I could have been playing, but you wasted time.”
6. Repeat steps 1-5. Until one day, maybe, he’ll maintain enough courage to actually walk over and play.
November 15 2011
Birthdays are made to be special. Seeing your child grow up another year, and all of it’s accomplishments, is definitely a reason to celebrate. Some just go about it more extravagantly than others.
There are those who begin devising the perfect birthday party theme months in advance. They scour Pinterest boards for inspiration. The entire event must coordinate and match perfectly, from outfits to games to the table setting specially purchased to the elaborate cake artfully crafted.
That’s not how I do it here.
And so I present to you, how to pull off the lamest birthday party possibly ever:
1. Real invitations are cute, but not worth the effort. My preferred invite system is sending an email or over Facebook chat. The more impersonal, the better.
2. Dinnerware consists of paper plates, plastic cups, and plastic forks.
3. Balloons are festive, except when you blow up the same kit of helium balloons for each kid on each birthday, year after year. The helium balloons that begin to deflate before the first party guests even arrive.
4. Refer to party goers as “guests”, but it’s really just a few members of family. Because you’re crazy for inviting school friends.
5. The skating rink and swimming pool are fun places to hold your festivities, if you’re into that. Because there’s nothing more comfortable than home. Where the main entertainment is placing bets on who drips food on their shirt first.
6. Let the bakery at the grocery store make your cake. If you happen to forget until the last minute, recruit Grandma to bake some cupcakes that somehow melt and fuse together. They’ll love it as long as they don’t know any better.
With these easy tips, you’ll be throwing a lame birthday get-together, too. Just make sure your child never attends one of the more elaborate events, or else then you’re just screwed.
July 01 2011
1.) At noon, pick up the mound of toys that had been dumped out during the morning.
2.) An hour later, hear those toys being dumped out yet again.
3.) Then some more, into a massive, mixed pile.
4.) Before dinner, pick up the 2nd round of those familiar toys while silently fuming.
5.) In the middle of making dinner, hear those toys dumped out AGAIN.
6.) “REALLY, guys! You’ve got to be kidding me! Didn’t I JUST put these away? Can you at least help clean this up?” No one helps to clean it up.
7.) Sit down to eat dinner but are unable to enjoy your meal because you keep cursing those stupid toys in your head. After dinner, throw the 3rd round of toys in their bins.
8.) 10 minutes before bedtime, hear YET ANOTHER pile of toys dumped out AGAIN.
9.) “Oh, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!”, you declare to no one in particular. Pick up while swearing and telling each stupid little toy that you hate it, you really, really hate it, you stupid piece of crap. Yeah, I’m talking to you. I can hear you, you know. What? What’s that? Oh, you think so? You better shut it or I’ll pop your stupid head off.
10.) Go to bed and dream of creative ways to dwindle the pile of insolent toys. Many of which may involve fire.
