Archive for the ‘lists’ Tag
June 14 2010 ·
19 CommentsPosted in:
Daily · Tags:
life,
lists,
weekend Saturday afternoon, J suggested the bright idea of taking the kids to Chuck E. Cheese, a place we usually try to avoid as much as possible. Except this time, I said sure, sounds fun. Sounds fun? Clearly, neither of us were in our right minds.
I came home with a few alternate takes on their “where a kid can be a kid” slogan:
- Where a mom can lose a kid, and her last nerve.
- Where your 4yo can score higher than you at skeeball.
- Where a kid can be truly indecisive.
- Where a kid can be terrified of a pigtailed robotic chicken.
- Where it’s impossible to look cool drinking from a cup shaped like a crown.
- Where you eat your already non-appetizing pizza while staring at a giant mouse.
- Where you wish you brought hand sanitizer.
- Where you realize how cute your own kids are compared to everybody else’s.
- Where they play music from KidzBop. Need I say more?
- Where random kids will follow you around, begging for tokens.
- Where your entire self-worth is based on how many tickets you can accumulate.
- Where a kid can be a kid, but the parents feel really, really old.
- Where a kid might, possibly, pee his pants.
- Where a kid can be a screaming wild animal let loose out of it’s cage.
- Where it might be a good idea to keep a kid on a leash.
- Where they should really serve alcohol.
- Where a kid can spend 4 hours playing and racking up tickets to win some foam rocket piece of crap that was destroyed within 5 minutes of being home.
The things we, as parents, go through with a smile on our face. The kids had a good time, though, which is what counts. That’s what I’m supposed to say, right?
Yesterday was my 1 year blogiversary. 207 entries written thus far. I honestly never envisioned enduring for very long when I began this site on a whim last year. I just wanted something strictly for myself again, that I could maybe pass a few minutes with, along with some stress. It’s grown to be that and so much more.
Things I have learned this year in the blogosphere:
1. People like drama. No, really. Some people REALLY like drama. They feed off of it, poised at their keyboards for the next outrage. Which is alright, I guess, but it’s not me. I’m a lot more laid-back than I ever realized before.
2. There may be unforeseen rewards to starting a blog where the main focus is the crazy days as a mother, such as becoming a much more attentive parent. I notice things now that I wouldn’t have given a second thought to before. In fact, every day is blog fodder waiting to happen. Material can be found in the most obscure places, the best stories to tell sneak up on you when you least expect it.
3. It’s disturbing what some people search for on Google.
4. You will get jealous. You will be envious. You will wonder how that person has as many readers as they do and you don’t. You will wonder why you’re never on any “best of” lists. You will wonder if you’re doing it wrong. You will wonder if you’re not sharing enough. You will wonder if you’re sharing too much. You will wonder if it’s worth it. You will get mad and crazy and sad at your computer screen. It’s OK. It’s normal. You will breathe and hopefully it will pass.
5. You will appreciate and love those who stop by to read what you have to say, especially those who cheer you on or lend their support and comment. Thank you for making the past year so very worth it.
Most of the keyword searches people find this site by are fairly benign and uninteresting. I prefer it this way. There was one time when I wrote about my son running around without any pants on and consequently garnered many “little boy nudist” searches that completely creeped me out.
Which, I probably just subjected myself to again. Only, gotcha! Haha! This post has nothing to do with nudists of any sort. Please go away, creepy pervert.
Most people actually come here looking for, of all things, “kid things”. I know, shocking. There was one search recently, however, that got my attention and I thought I’d address, as a favor to those who may happen to stumble by looking for the same advice. A sampling of “things kids do wrong”, per my 6 years of experience so far:
- pick their nose, then hand you the booger
- attempt swirling any number of body parts in the toilet
- stick small objects in electrical outlets
- slam doors when others are sleeping
- wipe their hands everywhere except on a napkin
- scream at the top of their lungs, right in your ear
- throw tantrums of epic proportions over something ridiculous like socks
- completely destroy a room 10 seconds after you’ve cleaned it
- pelt hard plastic toys at your head
- try to run off into oncoming traffic
If you have any to add, please feel free. All in the name of helpful research. For a true sappy disclaimer, however, I must admit that even though kids do some things wrong, they’re also lovely little beings that do many things right. Although, in all honesty, if you need to Google for examples then I would have to say you are the one doing it wrong.
February 02 2010 ·
6 CommentsPosted in:
Daily · Tags:
life,
lists,
motherhood Parenting is:
- running on 5 hours of sleep, if I’m lucky
- a permanent imprint on the bottom of my foot of a car/block/the hell was that?
- repetition, repetition, repetition
- cleaning puddles of pee out of the carpet
- kissing imaginary boo-boos
- little hands everywhere, in everything
- partaking in the hundredth game of peek-a-boo
- a slimy coating of snot and spit
- never eating in peace unless the kids are in bed
- same with using the bathroom (see above)
- a movie watched in 10 minute non-consecutive spurts
- always being “on”
- taking bizarre satisfaction from digging boogers out of a nose
- dealing with more bodily fluids than I ever thought possible
- keeping a supply of super glue on hand
- fighting over/under/through/just eat your goddamn dinner
- happy streaking
- sneakily extracting batteries from the jam-pencils-in-my-ears toys
- having at least one “I GIVE UP!” moment a day
- a house decorated in cheap, colorful plastic
- “Is that poop? Or chocolate? I hope it’s chocolate. Here, smell it.”
- calculated by the number of uses you can find for baby wipes
- a lot of potty humor
- mostly guessing
- fickled, questioning, frustrating
- accepting, ridiculous, the best gig I’ve ever had
December 31 2009 ·
1 CommentPosted in:
General · Tags:
lists,
teh internetz With a start of a new year tomorrow, a look back at a few of my favorite entries, as inspired by Jill at Scary Mommy. Keep in mind, I just started this site in May.
In May, my daughter tried to bust her pediatrician’s eardrums with her wails. So she has a temper. Who knew?
In June, Buzz mistook any passing elderly woman for his grandma. Good times.
In July, I thought I was brilliant. Really friggin’ brilliant.
In August, I was ready to get my body back. I’m still ready, but there’s a certain little girl who is not.
In September, Jedi sent a friend request to a rubber ducky. Good thing it was accepted.
In October, I reminisced about bad breath during childbirth.
In November, I was reminded why I don’t drive very often, especially with kids in the car.
In December, I was, or I should say I am, done. Full. Complete.
Not wanting to repeat myself, I tried to select different entries from those listed in the sidebar. If you’re still in need of things to read after this, though, be sure to check those out, too.
2010, let’s make it a good one. Happy New Year, everyone!
