Apply Within

March 10 2010 · 10 Comments
Posted in: Me Myself · Tags: motherhood

Wanted: Kind, nurturing type with plenty of energy to spare. Must love kids and noise and discussing zombies with an inquisitive 6 year old. Creativity, imagination, patience, and coloring in the lines are also helpful. As are an extra pair of eyes in the back of your head.

Duties include, but are not limited to and are liable to change at any time:

• Magna Doodle sketching

• child wrangling
• cat protecting
• refereeing
• minimal cooking (cereal, macaroni ‘n cheese)
• watching copious amounts of Disney Pixar movies
• milk refilling
• constant toy pickups
• butt wiping
• playground sliding partner (weather permitting)
• potty training (not required, but those willing receive extra consideration)
• normal daily household chores (again, not required, but very appreciated)

The mother will be on the premises, but mostly unavailable except in case of an emergency. She will probably spend the majority of her time secluded in the bedroom, possibly sleeping, likely “working” from her laptop, or just staring blissfully unaware at the wall. In other words, the mother is in desperate need of a long overdue break.

Position is part-time, 5-10 hours per week on a very temporary basis, or until the mother’s batteries have been recharged and wits restored. You must be available immediately. Payment will be in the form of an endless amount of gratitude and/or cookies.

It’s OK

March 09 2010 · 11 Comments
Posted in: The Kids · Tags: Ethan, motherhood

Putting the kids to bed is always an ordeal. We started out doing it wrong, and now don’t have the energy to change it. Instead of letting Ethan fall asleep on his own, I lie there with him until his eyes are closed. Some nights, this time spent in bed next to my son is relaxing. Other nights, it’s thoroughly aggravating. The yin and the yang. Kind of like the rest of parenting.

The other night, all I wanted to do was watch the conclusion of a television show, but as so often happens, it fell right at Ethan’s bedtime. I could tell that he was going to be excessively difficult that night, and I would miss every last second of what I wanted to watch.

I was right. He tossed and turned every which way for an hour, while I sat quietly next to him in the dark. I was frustrated and impatient. Apparently, so was Ethan. He began to whimper and pout, a pitiful enraged cry mere seconds away. Maybe he couldn’t get comfortable. Maybe he wasn’t ready for bed. Maybe he was fighting it with all he had. Maybe he could sense my mood shifting negative.

Even though I was frustrated. Even though I was upset. I leaned over and kissed the small curve of his shoulder. “It’s OK.”, I whispered in his ear. “It’s OK.”

I took a deep breath and exhaled away every bit of paltry frustration. “It’s OK.”

“It’s OK. It’s OK. It’s OK…”, Ethan repeated to himself in a sequentially softer tone. A short time later, he finally closed his eyes and fell asleep.

Maybe sometimes, we all just need a little reminder.

Misty Water-Color Memories

February 19 2010 · 7 Comments
Posted in: The Kids · Tags: family, motherhood, photos

During my pregnancy with Ethan, and then Maddie, too, I had dreams about all the photo opportunities ahead. The reality is, I’ve been more concerned with surviving. When Jayden was an only child, I remember photographing his every inconsequential move. Back when everything, even the simple act of eating a cookie, was amazing and cute. While it’s still mostly amazing and cute, it’s also now a lot of work and shouldn’t I get him down off the table first?

Thus, a lot of memories haven’t been recorded.

This is especially displeasing to my mother, who is constantly urging me to “get a picture of that!”. “You should keep that camera around your neck”, she tells me. Usually when the kids are in the midst of less than stellar behavior while I’m on the phone with her, which seems to happen often.

For example, my mom has said I should have gotten pictures of:

Maddie hitting the cat
Maddie trying to ride the cat like a horse
Maddie sitting on her brother’s face
Maddie kicking her brother in the face
The boys dragging each other around by their shirts

She says she wants a representation of them “just being kids”. Apparently, that means beating the crap out of one another, and sometimes the cat for good measure. However, I don’t believe the degree of desperation in their howls would shine through enough on film. I’m thinking I should just make a video instead.

Good Times

February 17 2010 · 20 Comments
Posted in: The Kids · Tags: Ethan, good, Maddie, motherhood

When the kids are good, they are really good. But when they’re bad, they’re awful. They have their moments. Of course, the excessively loud, tedious episodes seem to outnumber. Or at least those are easier to dwell on. The good, though, they can be great.

Maybe it’s because the bad times tend to happen in grand calamities. They consume me: my voice raised and eyes wide and body tense. They make me question and worry that I’m doing everything wrong because it shouldn’t be this hard. Why is it always so damn hard?

The good are smaller, quieter, blink and you’ll miss it. Like a brief reset to make it all bearable. Tiny flashes tucked inside my pocket. There usually isn’t much of a story to share when things are well.

Sometimes, though, like yesterday morning. Ethan and Maddie are cuddled together in a hug. His arms are tight around her and she has her head on his chest. They’re both smiling up at me, not wanting to let the other go. He’d then give her a kiss on the forehead and she’d lift up to give him one back. Brother and sister. Little and littler. Simple and delicate and rare. For a few minutes it was almost the picture of perfect.

Almost.

The only way it could have been better is if my son had been wearing pants.

Good times. I’ll take ‘em however I can get ‘em.

A Sweet Moment

February 12 2010 · 8 Comments
Posted in: The Kids · Tags: Maddie, motherhood

I was never much of a doll sort of girl. Of course, I had a small collection of Cabbage Patch Kids, but I also popped the limbs off any Barbies my parents would dare dangle in front of me.

I’m not sure what I did with these Cabbage Patch Kids, however, as I distinctly remember never having a maternal bone in my body until I had flesh and blood children of my own. In fact, it took at least a few days after the birth of my first child for the beginnings of a maternal nubbin to form. It’s safe to say, I never thought I would be a mother until it happened.

Maddie has two soft pink baby dolls. One given as a Christmas present by her grandparents, the other bought on a clearance rack last week when she seemed drawn to it. I didn’t expect much when we brought them home, this is a girl used to playing with her brother’s trucks and light sabers, but she has since started pushing them around in her pink shopping cart. Side by side, in pink sleeper outfits.

Pink pink pink. I never thought we’d have so much pink, either.

The other day, she began to brush the bald head on one of these dolls as gently as an 18 month old can. Taking her seat on the floor in front of me, her toddler legs elbowed forth, she brushed contently. When she was done brushing, she held the doll close and covered it in kisses. She then handed her doll out for me to kiss.

Which goes to show how she’s already more maternal and sweet than I ever was as a kid. Though we’ll fail to mention how Maddie tried to bite the doll’s head afterward. Or how she tried to suffocate it by sitting on it. We definitely won’t talk about how she catapulted it across the room once she was finally bored of it. Come to think of it, maybe maternal and sweet aren’t quite the right words. At least she hasn’t ripped off their limbs. Yet.